(This is one of those that I am keeping on facebook, but I really like it so I am putting it up here)
I know this isn't very poetic but thinking about why I am so thankful makes me too happy to think in an organized way. But I hope you enjoy it because this is the THANKS I am GIVING to you all for making this a wonderful year.
Why I am thankful this year…
In the past year-
I have been a carefree high school student, a freaked out senior, been so uncertain of what I wanted to do, at the last minute decided precisely what and where I want to study, been so distraught about a million changes in my life to the point of losing lots of sleep, struggled through the change to find a happier place, went from being almost entirely closed-off to having learned to trust, seen both the Toasters and Reel Big Fish in concert, made someone smile the biggest I have ever seen them or anyone else smile, had some sense of a makeshift family, was heartbroken seeing my nephew suffer, rejoiced seeing him go through major neuro-surgery and be years ahead in his recovery, regretted how I treated someone just for them to show me what I mean to them, been told a million secrets, helped out people in tough times sometimes in a tough place myself, listened, laughed, gotten used to playing an acoustic guitar and love it, experienced so many new things, had extremely good grades in University, worked on a television show, survived sleeping on a mattress on the floor for months, had someone take in my dog so he wouldn’t be put down (thanks Milena (-: ), learned to be extremely non-judgmental, learned that all I truly want is close friendships, become ok with the fact that I have outgrown some of my friends (this is not aimed at those still in high school, I still love you all the same as I always have), developed a good work ethic, seen an ex-president speak and get a cellphone picture that looks like he is grabbing a woman's boob, gone through ridiculous lengths to shoot a simple short film, gained memories that will last forever, had so many times of great happiness. This is why I am thankful this Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone,
Kenny
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Why I am actually legitimately unhappy (Monday, January 5, 2009 at 12:21am)
I had been very extremely happy for about a month or so (and normal happy for a while before that), but I am currently having a spell of suck. And since I have already written just about everything else about myself here's my reasons for the suck...
I didn’t really hate my job before, but when I think about it I can’t stand the idea of doing it for another semester.
I did really really well this past semester but I am afraid that I won’t do nearly as well next semester.
I met two of my cousins for the first time while I was in Arizona and I failed to make a good connection with them, especially the older one. They are now 10 and 12 and chances are they will be fully grown the next time I see them.
The soonest I will see my Mom again is August/September, but it could be as long as two years. Regardless this is a very long time. As if my family wasn't already broken enough...
I spent eleven hours (ELEVEN HOURS!!!) with a friend over break and didn’t get a chance to really talk to them. And by didn’t get I mean didn’t take the chance. I’m sure that if I tried hard enough I could have found a way.
I really thought that I had figured out who I was until a friend made one simple comment and now I have no idea once again. And I truly thought that I had it all figured out, I feel like I am back to square one now.
During finals week all I wanted to do was work on this writing project of mine, but now that I have time I have nothing to say.
I had a simple chance to really help a friend and I didn’t take it. I wanted to, I just… didn’t. Now I feel terrible about it even though I am certain they both don’t know and wouldn’t really mind.
I feel like I have unchanged since break started. It might as well be a few months ago…
I am not utilizing the people who I know will listen to me because I want to tell everything to a person who I don't have that kind of a relationship with. This makes me feel like a jerk to the people that have been there.
I didn’t really hate my job before, but when I think about it I can’t stand the idea of doing it for another semester.
I did really really well this past semester but I am afraid that I won’t do nearly as well next semester.
I met two of my cousins for the first time while I was in Arizona and I failed to make a good connection with them, especially the older one. They are now 10 and 12 and chances are they will be fully grown the next time I see them.
The soonest I will see my Mom again is August/September, but it could be as long as two years. Regardless this is a very long time. As if my family wasn't already broken enough...
I spent eleven hours (ELEVEN HOURS!!!) with a friend over break and didn’t get a chance to really talk to them. And by didn’t get I mean didn’t take the chance. I’m sure that if I tried hard enough I could have found a way.
I really thought that I had figured out who I was until a friend made one simple comment and now I have no idea once again. And I truly thought that I had it all figured out, I feel like I am back to square one now.
During finals week all I wanted to do was work on this writing project of mine, but now that I have time I have nothing to say.
I had a simple chance to really help a friend and I didn’t take it. I wanted to, I just… didn’t. Now I feel terrible about it even though I am certain they both don’t know and wouldn’t really mind.
I feel like I have unchanged since break started. It might as well be a few months ago…
I am not utilizing the people who I know will listen to me because I want to tell everything to a person who I don't have that kind of a relationship with. This makes me feel like a jerk to the people that have been there.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Who Will? (Saturday, February 14, 2009 at 9:29pm)
(Please note this is mostly an attempt at poetry, but it is based on an hour of my life)
Who will be there in my moment of weakness?
Who will stand behind me when I need it most?
Who will call me when I don’t have the courage to call them?
Who will wipe my tears away and tell me everything will be alright?
Who will tell me this is just a step along the way?
Who will remind me that this all will make a great story someday?
Who will listen to that story someday, even though they know how it ends?
Who will notice what needs to be done?
Who will make sure I do it?
Who will hold my hand when I am too afraid to do it?
Who will tell me that they are proud of me for being so brave?
Who will make sure I don’t try to solve my problems the wrong way?
Who will not get angry if I do?
Who will be there before I need them to be?
Who will share their secrets with me?
Who will tell me they will be around forever?
Who will tell me that our friendship will never end?
Who will count on me to be there in their moment of weakness?
Who will be there in my moment of weakness?
Who will stand behind me when I need it most?
Who will call me when I don’t have the courage to call them?
Who will wipe my tears away and tell me everything will be alright?
Who will tell me this is just a step along the way?
Who will remind me that this all will make a great story someday?
Who will listen to that story someday, even though they know how it ends?
Who will notice what needs to be done?
Who will make sure I do it?
Who will hold my hand when I am too afraid to do it?
Who will tell me that they are proud of me for being so brave?
Who will make sure I don’t try to solve my problems the wrong way?
Who will not get angry if I do?
Who will be there before I need them to be?
Who will share their secrets with me?
Who will tell me they will be around forever?
Who will tell me that our friendship will never end?
Who will count on me to be there in their moment of weakness?
Spring Semester (Monday, January 12, 2009 at 1:07am)
he new semester starts tomorrow and I am thinking far too much to go to bed anytime soon. So here is my list of what I want to do or accomplish during the next few months
Get into a nice, but still exciting, groove
Keep my grades up
Either find a new job or find a way to enjoy the one I have
Finally play music in some sort of group, like one we've been talking about doing for the past 4+ years
Party a little harder
Gain 10 pounds, this may be the most difficult (as I make a bunch of people angry for complaining about how hard it is to GAIN weight, but it is)
Exercise more regularly instead of extremely sporadically
Decide to go after a friendship headstrong or just let it go, because my indecision on it is slowly driving me insane
Get a significant amount of my screenplay and essay written
Do some just for the hell of it filming
Get over the fact that some people just don't need me anymore and strengthen new relationships
Finally decide who will hear my full life story (this one isn't going to be posted in a note, sorry it's too lifetime afternoon special)
Continue finding myself
Find a way to visit Michigan, IU, and perhaps
Have some FUN!
Get into a nice, but still exciting, groove
Keep my grades up
Either find a new job or find a way to enjoy the one I have
Finally play music in some sort of group, like one we've been talking about doing for the past 4+ years
Party a little harder
Gain 10 pounds, this may be the most difficult (as I make a bunch of people angry for complaining about how hard it is to GAIN weight, but it is)
Exercise more regularly instead of extremely sporadically
Decide to go after a friendship headstrong or just let it go, because my indecision on it is slowly driving me insane
Get a significant amount of my screenplay and essay written
Do some just for the hell of it filming
Get over the fact that some people just don't need me anymore and strengthen new relationships
Finally decide who will hear my full life story (this one isn't going to be posted in a note, sorry it's too lifetime afternoon special)
Continue finding myself
Find a way to visit Michigan, IU, and perhaps
Have some FUN!
One of them 16 things (Sunday, January 4, 2009 at 5:21pm)
I've been tagged in atleast six of these so I'll do one. But I am refusing to tag people, so there is no need to put the whole if you are tagged blah blah here. Enjoys
1) 2008 was my best and worst year so far. It started out just terrible but many amazing things have happened, especially starting spring break.
2) I really thought that I was starting to understand who I really am, but I think I have more to figure out. I thought I was this serious person, but the sarcastic and loud Kenny keeps popping up. So now I'm not so sure who I am and who I want to be. On one hand it's fun to make a lot of jokes, but on the other people take me less seriously and I feel like I have fewer close friendships, which sucks.
3) I am driven to achieve something great in my life just so my friends will proudly say that I am or was at a point their friend. This idea consumes about half of my concious thoughts.
4) The only reason that I don't want to go back to school is that I don't want to go back to work, but I really need the money from that job. Well that reason and I again didn't get to talk to a friend about something even though I spent several hours with them during this break.
5) I spend way too much time thinking about how certain situations might turn out, and it keeps me up at night. It is probably the most annoying thing ever and I wish I could stop doing it.
6) I tend to get bored and give up things when I become mediocre at them, resulting in me being very well-rounded, but not especially talented at anything.
7) Sometimes I wish that montages existed in real life, but hard work does result in greater satisfaction; although hard work is hard work.
8) I have probably said several of these things in other notes because I share probably too much on facebook.
9) I am trying to not be repetitive from other notes so 16 facts is hard to come up with.
10) One of my favorite things to do is just sitting around and talking with friends, but people tend to prefer to do something, but doing nothing is better in my mind.
11) I'm not always as together as I pretend to be.
12) I have clearly visable birthmarks, have you noticed them? (Don't feel bad if you haven't, there was a point in time that I completely forgot about them.
13) I haven't really had to deal with death and I am terrified of what it will be like when someone close to me dies.
14) I kinda wish that someone would ride me ass occasionally to make sure that I stay on track with becoming above average.
15) As much as I like reading and writing notes, the whole idea of just writing 16 random facts does not appeal to me.
16) I am terrible at talking to people I don't really know, mostly because I don't really ever have anything interesting to say.
1) 2008 was my best and worst year so far. It started out just terrible but many amazing things have happened, especially starting spring break.
2) I really thought that I was starting to understand who I really am, but I think I have more to figure out. I thought I was this serious person, but the sarcastic and loud Kenny keeps popping up. So now I'm not so sure who I am and who I want to be. On one hand it's fun to make a lot of jokes, but on the other people take me less seriously and I feel like I have fewer close friendships, which sucks.
3) I am driven to achieve something great in my life just so my friends will proudly say that I am or was at a point their friend. This idea consumes about half of my concious thoughts.
4) The only reason that I don't want to go back to school is that I don't want to go back to work, but I really need the money from that job. Well that reason and I again didn't get to talk to a friend about something even though I spent several hours with them during this break.
5) I spend way too much time thinking about how certain situations might turn out, and it keeps me up at night. It is probably the most annoying thing ever and I wish I could stop doing it.
6) I tend to get bored and give up things when I become mediocre at them, resulting in me being very well-rounded, but not especially talented at anything.
7) Sometimes I wish that montages existed in real life, but hard work does result in greater satisfaction; although hard work is hard work.
8) I have probably said several of these things in other notes because I share probably too much on facebook.
9) I am trying to not be repetitive from other notes so 16 facts is hard to come up with.
10) One of my favorite things to do is just sitting around and talking with friends, but people tend to prefer to do something, but doing nothing is better in my mind.
11) I'm not always as together as I pretend to be.
12) I have clearly visable birthmarks, have you noticed them? (Don't feel bad if you haven't, there was a point in time that I completely forgot about them.
13) I haven't really had to deal with death and I am terrified of what it will be like when someone close to me dies.
14) I kinda wish that someone would ride me ass occasionally to make sure that I stay on track with becoming above average.
15) As much as I like reading and writing notes, the whole idea of just writing 16 random facts does not appeal to me.
16) I am terrible at talking to people I don't really know, mostly because I don't really ever have anything interesting to say.
I don't think there is an appropriate title for this kind of note (Sunday, December 14, 2008 at 3:10am)
Over the past few weeks I have been spending some time looking at this post secret stuff (for those who do not know it is where people secretly mail in their secrets on postcards). I think it is a really good idea and it has apparently helped a lot of people. But the more that I thought about it the more I realized this is something I would have utilized months ago. Now I would much rather let people that I actually know, know my secrets. A few weeks ago I took the bold step to decide to become an almost entirely open book, but I haven’t had to utilize it yet. If you didn’t know this and are interested enough in me to continue reading I suggest you read that note first to understand why I am doing this. This little project of mine is very important to me so I have decided to be more proactive and share some things that have been on my mind on facebook.
But Kenny, if you post it on facebook EVERYONE can read it and know your secrets! –Exactly, I am proud of who I am why should I hide it? Everyone has secrets; the world would be a much better place if everyone felt free to share their secrets without fear of being judged for them. This is, in a sense, my way of creating my own delusional better world. I am expecting for some people to judge me based on the subject matter of this note, but I don’t care. I only care about the opinions of the people who care about me enough to look past my flaws and quirks. Enjoy.
I never thought I would miss being in Carmel as much as I do. But I also LOVE being at Ball State. In a way I want my old life to come to here. I feel like it would be easier to let everything from Carmel go and just be content with what I have here, but what is easier isn’t always what is better for the heart.
I feel as if I am becoming distanced from my friends still in Carmel. I still miss friends who go to other Universities but that is different, somehow. I just want everyone to know that I really really miss them and that I think about them EVERY day. (Now for a secret I actually told two people- Daniel Lange and Alyson) You guys –Carmel people- are also the reason that I haven’t been back much this past semester. It just makes me miss everyone so much more and it would be much too painful to come back more regularly. It also hurts unbearably when I am home and I spend most of the time home alone checking my phone every other minute.
Chances are I want to be closer friends with you, whoever you are reading this. Friendships are the most important thing to me to the point that I obsess over them. I feel like I have enough friends, just not many close ones. I also am always afraid of coming on too strong, or maybe of just being rejected. I really want to spend more time with other people but I always expect them to take the first step and am disappointed when they don’t. I know that I shouldn’t wait for people to come to me but this is something that is really difficult for me. I love it when people come to me with their secrets or to ask advice, it is when I feel the closest to people. I know I have always been sarcastic in the past, but that is something that I felt that I could not control. Just know, that isn’t really me, I am much more serious now and I really care about all of your problems. It is just so much easier to make friends with jokes, but not the kind of friendships that I want.
I have mild (and undiagnosed) OCD (don’t start messing with my mp3 player or phone because I will freak out even if you don’t see it) and Ben is convinced that I have ADD and I am TERRIFIED that I am just a hypochondriac. I also get random, sharp pains (which if you pay close attention you may just see me walk with a slight limp at times) but I can never tell my doctor anything, not that I really have one anymore.
A month ago I thought Coldplay was just mainstream garbage. But a certain friend loves them so I decided to give them their fair chance. Now I love them and I feel like such a hypocrite. I also listen to The Scientist at least five times a day because it reminds me of said friend and I also love the lines “tell me your secrets/and ask me your questions” because it is what I want to say to just about everyone. I am also too afraid to buy their cds in stores because I always think that the cashier judges me based on the albums that I buy. I don’t know why I care what they think, I mean I am telling everyone the smallest of details about me.
I have played guitar for over six years but I feel inferior to anyone that can play popular songs from memory. I hate playing already written music most of the time and I prefer to write my own music, most of which I forget easily so I feel like I have nothing to show for all of my effort and I feel like a poser.
I also feel inferior to many others with my major because I can’t name who directed what film and who starred in them. It’s not that I don’t love film, I do, I just can’t remember names. I know everyone says that they have trouble remembering names but I have a serious problem. Thank God for facebook, I can secretly put names to faces so that I can remember. There are times that someone will tell me their name and as soon as the finish saying it I have already forgotten. It really really sucks!
The thought of marriage at this point in life scares me horribly but sometimes I want to adopt a kid right now. I can’t wait to be a father, maybe then I will have a close, loving family. If you have a close family chances are I have envied you specifically at some point for it, enjoy it you don’t know how lucky you are.
I used to constantly (and still do to an extent) fantasize about winning the lottery. Recently I realized that all of my fantasies revolved around it being an excuse to spend more time with certain people and getting to know their parents, which for some odd reason is important to me. It also involved traveling a lot, which is something that I really want to do. I am so jealous of everyone that has ever been on a cruise. I just want to see the world. But then again most of these fantasies also involve traveling with other people.
I hate the phrase “epic fail”
Sometimes I feel special because I have watched some extremely popular shows since their original airing of their pilot episodes.
Sometimes I feel that if more Christians were like me there would be less people who are completely turned away from Christianity and I don’t really feel bad about thinking it. I feel that some Christians are too pushy and are WAY too judgmental (you have to remember whose job the judging is. I want to punch every Christian who says homosexuals go to Hell for misrepresenting the faith. This idea is based upon nothing in scripture and is what I consider using God’s name in vein. If you want to call it a sin, fine, but don’t say that it is a worse sin that the countless you commit every day. A sin is a sin in God’s eyes and his eyes look past what we do, why can’t you? Jesus went to the worst of criminals and showed them love, why do you go to people who are just trying to love and show them hate? Also, don’t EVER tell someone that they are going to Hell. That is not your place, Christianity is about loving people to Christ, not condemning them.
Speaking of homosexuality, it is just about the only thing someone has not come to me about in a secret. I have heard all sorts of things big and small but no one has ever come out to me and for some reason I really want someone to. I don’t know if I should feel bad about this or not. I don’t know why I want someone to so much, it’s not like I would admit to having someone tell me because secrets are on the top level of secret to me. I hate to think that I am collecting secrets and am seeking out the last things to complete my collection.
The attractiveness of an individual changes to me over time when I get to know them better. If people are nice and caring they become more physically attractive and the other way around. In a sense, I see inner beauty on the outside and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also find the “typical attractive girl” not very attractive and rather fake looking. I like faces with personality and the eyes and smile can make the ugliest by society’s standards beautiful to me.
I have saved my biggest secret for last, so if you do not think you are mature enough to handle it I advise skipping over this paragraph. You are still here? Oh good, I am glad that you can handle my secrets and have decided to not judge me for them. Every day I am becoming more asexual. This does not mean that I have sex with myself like you learned in freshman biology. It more means without sex, more attracted to personalities. For the past few years I have always made excuses for why I haven’t been actively seeking a relationship, the only truth is that I care so much more about friendships, because they are based on personalities. I am also often infatuated with the personality of a certain person or persons. This would also explain why I find whatever that statistic is of how often males think about sex completely ridiculous, because I rarely think about it. I am not saying that I am completely asexual; it’s just that the whole thing is not as important to me as it is for many people. This does cause some problems though. I am a very touch oriented person, but touching is often weird for people when not in a relationship. I could walk through a mall holding your hand, yes you whoever you are, and not think anything of it other than “wow I feel really close to this friend of mine right now.”
Ok so I lied, this is my last secret. I am terrified of posting this note. I mean this has some extremely personal stuff that I haven’t even hinted at to other people before. I can’t decide if I am brave or just stupid. I think now I know why people just anonymously send in their secrets, but whatever I have high hopes that this will be better for me, please prove me right. So dearest reader, if you read all of this then I assume you have read my other stuff and you may be expecting a plug for my excellent secret keeping abilities and my ever improving advice. I think that by sharing all of this you should feel safe talking to me about anything going on in your life. I mean if I share this personal of stuff do you really think I judge you for liking so and so or just having a rough time, trust me I’ve been there. If somehow my honesty hasn’t fully convinced you, always feel free to honesty box anything to me, I am ALWAYS willing to help and listen in any way I can. I also apologize to the couple of people that I normally tell stuff to, I hope you don’t feel less special just because now I apparently tell everyone EVERYTHING. And sadly there is still more, some I want to say but I feel that I need to tell specific people these things before I tell everyone. Hope you view me in a different, and BETTER, light.
Much Love,
Kenny
But Kenny, if you post it on facebook EVERYONE can read it and know your secrets! –Exactly, I am proud of who I am why should I hide it? Everyone has secrets; the world would be a much better place if everyone felt free to share their secrets without fear of being judged for them. This is, in a sense, my way of creating my own delusional better world. I am expecting for some people to judge me based on the subject matter of this note, but I don’t care. I only care about the opinions of the people who care about me enough to look past my flaws and quirks. Enjoy.
I never thought I would miss being in Carmel as much as I do. But I also LOVE being at Ball State. In a way I want my old life to come to here. I feel like it would be easier to let everything from Carmel go and just be content with what I have here, but what is easier isn’t always what is better for the heart.
I feel as if I am becoming distanced from my friends still in Carmel. I still miss friends who go to other Universities but that is different, somehow. I just want everyone to know that I really really miss them and that I think about them EVERY day. (Now for a secret I actually told two people- Daniel Lange and Alyson) You guys –Carmel people- are also the reason that I haven’t been back much this past semester. It just makes me miss everyone so much more and it would be much too painful to come back more regularly. It also hurts unbearably when I am home and I spend most of the time home alone checking my phone every other minute.
Chances are I want to be closer friends with you, whoever you are reading this. Friendships are the most important thing to me to the point that I obsess over them. I feel like I have enough friends, just not many close ones. I also am always afraid of coming on too strong, or maybe of just being rejected. I really want to spend more time with other people but I always expect them to take the first step and am disappointed when they don’t. I know that I shouldn’t wait for people to come to me but this is something that is really difficult for me. I love it when people come to me with their secrets or to ask advice, it is when I feel the closest to people. I know I have always been sarcastic in the past, but that is something that I felt that I could not control. Just know, that isn’t really me, I am much more serious now and I really care about all of your problems. It is just so much easier to make friends with jokes, but not the kind of friendships that I want.
I have mild (and undiagnosed) OCD (don’t start messing with my mp3 player or phone because I will freak out even if you don’t see it) and Ben is convinced that I have ADD and I am TERRIFIED that I am just a hypochondriac. I also get random, sharp pains (which if you pay close attention you may just see me walk with a slight limp at times) but I can never tell my doctor anything, not that I really have one anymore.
A month ago I thought Coldplay was just mainstream garbage. But a certain friend loves them so I decided to give them their fair chance. Now I love them and I feel like such a hypocrite. I also listen to The Scientist at least five times a day because it reminds me of said friend and I also love the lines “tell me your secrets/and ask me your questions” because it is what I want to say to just about everyone. I am also too afraid to buy their cds in stores because I always think that the cashier judges me based on the albums that I buy. I don’t know why I care what they think, I mean I am telling everyone the smallest of details about me.
I have played guitar for over six years but I feel inferior to anyone that can play popular songs from memory. I hate playing already written music most of the time and I prefer to write my own music, most of which I forget easily so I feel like I have nothing to show for all of my effort and I feel like a poser.
I also feel inferior to many others with my major because I can’t name who directed what film and who starred in them. It’s not that I don’t love film, I do, I just can’t remember names. I know everyone says that they have trouble remembering names but I have a serious problem. Thank God for facebook, I can secretly put names to faces so that I can remember. There are times that someone will tell me their name and as soon as the finish saying it I have already forgotten. It really really sucks!
The thought of marriage at this point in life scares me horribly but sometimes I want to adopt a kid right now. I can’t wait to be a father, maybe then I will have a close, loving family. If you have a close family chances are I have envied you specifically at some point for it, enjoy it you don’t know how lucky you are.
I used to constantly (and still do to an extent) fantasize about winning the lottery. Recently I realized that all of my fantasies revolved around it being an excuse to spend more time with certain people and getting to know their parents, which for some odd reason is important to me. It also involved traveling a lot, which is something that I really want to do. I am so jealous of everyone that has ever been on a cruise. I just want to see the world. But then again most of these fantasies also involve traveling with other people.
I hate the phrase “epic fail”
Sometimes I feel special because I have watched some extremely popular shows since their original airing of their pilot episodes.
Sometimes I feel that if more Christians were like me there would be less people who are completely turned away from Christianity and I don’t really feel bad about thinking it. I feel that some Christians are too pushy and are WAY too judgmental (you have to remember whose job the judging is. I want to punch every Christian who says homosexuals go to Hell for misrepresenting the faith. This idea is based upon nothing in scripture and is what I consider using God’s name in vein. If you want to call it a sin, fine, but don’t say that it is a worse sin that the countless you commit every day. A sin is a sin in God’s eyes and his eyes look past what we do, why can’t you? Jesus went to the worst of criminals and showed them love, why do you go to people who are just trying to love and show them hate? Also, don’t EVER tell someone that they are going to Hell. That is not your place, Christianity is about loving people to Christ, not condemning them.
Speaking of homosexuality, it is just about the only thing someone has not come to me about in a secret. I have heard all sorts of things big and small but no one has ever come out to me and for some reason I really want someone to. I don’t know if I should feel bad about this or not. I don’t know why I want someone to so much, it’s not like I would admit to having someone tell me because secrets are on the top level of secret to me. I hate to think that I am collecting secrets and am seeking out the last things to complete my collection.
The attractiveness of an individual changes to me over time when I get to know them better. If people are nice and caring they become more physically attractive and the other way around. In a sense, I see inner beauty on the outside and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also find the “typical attractive girl” not very attractive and rather fake looking. I like faces with personality and the eyes and smile can make the ugliest by society’s standards beautiful to me.
I have saved my biggest secret for last, so if you do not think you are mature enough to handle it I advise skipping over this paragraph. You are still here? Oh good, I am glad that you can handle my secrets and have decided to not judge me for them. Every day I am becoming more asexual. This does not mean that I have sex with myself like you learned in freshman biology. It more means without sex, more attracted to personalities. For the past few years I have always made excuses for why I haven’t been actively seeking a relationship, the only truth is that I care so much more about friendships, because they are based on personalities. I am also often infatuated with the personality of a certain person or persons. This would also explain why I find whatever that statistic is of how often males think about sex completely ridiculous, because I rarely think about it. I am not saying that I am completely asexual; it’s just that the whole thing is not as important to me as it is for many people. This does cause some problems though. I am a very touch oriented person, but touching is often weird for people when not in a relationship. I could walk through a mall holding your hand, yes you whoever you are, and not think anything of it other than “wow I feel really close to this friend of mine right now.”
Ok so I lied, this is my last secret. I am terrified of posting this note. I mean this has some extremely personal stuff that I haven’t even hinted at to other people before. I can’t decide if I am brave or just stupid. I think now I know why people just anonymously send in their secrets, but whatever I have high hopes that this will be better for me, please prove me right. So dearest reader, if you read all of this then I assume you have read my other stuff and you may be expecting a plug for my excellent secret keeping abilities and my ever improving advice. I think that by sharing all of this you should feel safe talking to me about anything going on in your life. I mean if I share this personal of stuff do you really think I judge you for liking so and so or just having a rough time, trust me I’ve been there. If somehow my honesty hasn’t fully convinced you, always feel free to honesty box anything to me, I am ALWAYS willing to help and listen in any way I can. I also apologize to the couple of people that I normally tell stuff to, I hope you don’t feel less special just because now I apparently tell everyone EVERYTHING. And sadly there is still more, some I want to say but I feel that I need to tell specific people these things before I tell everyone. Hope you view me in a different, and BETTER, light.
Much Love,
Kenny
Typical Kenny Note (Monday, December 1, 2008 at 1:50am)
So if you are one of those people who stalks the notes application, like me, this is probably one of the notes you like to stumble onto.
As some of you know the past year of my life has been the bananas that Gwen speaks of. In the past few months I have opened up a lot, well for me atleast, and it has felt really good. I have also decided that I like who I am and I am not ashamed of me. This is why I have decided to become an almost entirely open book. This means that if you want to know something about me just ask, whether it be via face-to-face interaction, calling/texting, chatting, sending me a message, honesty boxing, whatever. Although if you choose honesty box I may not tell you as much because I do not plan on telling random people personal things.
What I will not tell you...
Who I like, you can ask but I rarely know the answer to this
Anything that involves in any way, shape, or form any secret anyone has told me, ever
Select things that I need to come to terms with first
What I hope to accomplish by doing this...
Become more trusting (please don't ever give me reason not to, it may not take much to shut the book again)
Develop closer relationships
Define who I am
Be completely comfortable with being myself
Become a better listener
Make others more comfortable with themselves
Encourage others to find people they can open up to
Finally be the me I know I am
Find out if this is what works for me
Or learn from another mistake
And before you get too excited I don't have super delicious secrets, so if that is what you are looking for look elsewhere, this is for people to get to know me better.
As some of you know the past year of my life has been the bananas that Gwen speaks of. In the past few months I have opened up a lot, well for me atleast, and it has felt really good. I have also decided that I like who I am and I am not ashamed of me. This is why I have decided to become an almost entirely open book. This means that if you want to know something about me just ask, whether it be via face-to-face interaction, calling/texting, chatting, sending me a message, honesty boxing, whatever. Although if you choose honesty box I may not tell you as much because I do not plan on telling random people personal things.
What I will not tell you...
Who I like, you can ask but I rarely know the answer to this
Anything that involves in any way, shape, or form any secret anyone has told me, ever
Select things that I need to come to terms with first
What I hope to accomplish by doing this...
Become more trusting (please don't ever give me reason not to, it may not take much to shut the book again)
Develop closer relationships
Define who I am
Be completely comfortable with being myself
Become a better listener
Make others more comfortable with themselves
Encourage others to find people they can open up to
Finally be the me I know I am
Find out if this is what works for me
Or learn from another mistake
And before you get too excited I don't have super delicious secrets, so if that is what you are looking for look elsewhere, this is for people to get to know me better.
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