(This is one of those that I am keeping on facebook, but I really like it so I am putting it up here)
I know this isn't very poetic but thinking about why I am so thankful makes me too happy to think in an organized way. But I hope you enjoy it because this is the THANKS I am GIVING to you all for making this a wonderful year.
Why I am thankful this year…
In the past year-
I have been a carefree high school student, a freaked out senior, been so uncertain of what I wanted to do, at the last minute decided precisely what and where I want to study, been so distraught about a million changes in my life to the point of losing lots of sleep, struggled through the change to find a happier place, went from being almost entirely closed-off to having learned to trust, seen both the Toasters and Reel Big Fish in concert, made someone smile the biggest I have ever seen them or anyone else smile, had some sense of a makeshift family, was heartbroken seeing my nephew suffer, rejoiced seeing him go through major neuro-surgery and be years ahead in his recovery, regretted how I treated someone just for them to show me what I mean to them, been told a million secrets, helped out people in tough times sometimes in a tough place myself, listened, laughed, gotten used to playing an acoustic guitar and love it, experienced so many new things, had extremely good grades in University, worked on a television show, survived sleeping on a mattress on the floor for months, had someone take in my dog so he wouldn’t be put down (thanks Milena (-: ), learned to be extremely non-judgmental, learned that all I truly want is close friendships, become ok with the fact that I have outgrown some of my friends (this is not aimed at those still in high school, I still love you all the same as I always have), developed a good work ethic, seen an ex-president speak and get a cellphone picture that looks like he is grabbing a woman's boob, gone through ridiculous lengths to shoot a simple short film, gained memories that will last forever, had so many times of great happiness. This is why I am thankful this Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone,
Kenny
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Why I am actually legitimately unhappy (Monday, January 5, 2009 at 12:21am)
I had been very extremely happy for about a month or so (and normal happy for a while before that), but I am currently having a spell of suck. And since I have already written just about everything else about myself here's my reasons for the suck...
I didn’t really hate my job before, but when I think about it I can’t stand the idea of doing it for another semester.
I did really really well this past semester but I am afraid that I won’t do nearly as well next semester.
I met two of my cousins for the first time while I was in Arizona and I failed to make a good connection with them, especially the older one. They are now 10 and 12 and chances are they will be fully grown the next time I see them.
The soonest I will see my Mom again is August/September, but it could be as long as two years. Regardless this is a very long time. As if my family wasn't already broken enough...
I spent eleven hours (ELEVEN HOURS!!!) with a friend over break and didn’t get a chance to really talk to them. And by didn’t get I mean didn’t take the chance. I’m sure that if I tried hard enough I could have found a way.
I really thought that I had figured out who I was until a friend made one simple comment and now I have no idea once again. And I truly thought that I had it all figured out, I feel like I am back to square one now.
During finals week all I wanted to do was work on this writing project of mine, but now that I have time I have nothing to say.
I had a simple chance to really help a friend and I didn’t take it. I wanted to, I just… didn’t. Now I feel terrible about it even though I am certain they both don’t know and wouldn’t really mind.
I feel like I have unchanged since break started. It might as well be a few months ago…
I am not utilizing the people who I know will listen to me because I want to tell everything to a person who I don't have that kind of a relationship with. This makes me feel like a jerk to the people that have been there.
I didn’t really hate my job before, but when I think about it I can’t stand the idea of doing it for another semester.
I did really really well this past semester but I am afraid that I won’t do nearly as well next semester.
I met two of my cousins for the first time while I was in Arizona and I failed to make a good connection with them, especially the older one. They are now 10 and 12 and chances are they will be fully grown the next time I see them.
The soonest I will see my Mom again is August/September, but it could be as long as two years. Regardless this is a very long time. As if my family wasn't already broken enough...
I spent eleven hours (ELEVEN HOURS!!!) with a friend over break and didn’t get a chance to really talk to them. And by didn’t get I mean didn’t take the chance. I’m sure that if I tried hard enough I could have found a way.
I really thought that I had figured out who I was until a friend made one simple comment and now I have no idea once again. And I truly thought that I had it all figured out, I feel like I am back to square one now.
During finals week all I wanted to do was work on this writing project of mine, but now that I have time I have nothing to say.
I had a simple chance to really help a friend and I didn’t take it. I wanted to, I just… didn’t. Now I feel terrible about it even though I am certain they both don’t know and wouldn’t really mind.
I feel like I have unchanged since break started. It might as well be a few months ago…
I am not utilizing the people who I know will listen to me because I want to tell everything to a person who I don't have that kind of a relationship with. This makes me feel like a jerk to the people that have been there.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Who Will? (Saturday, February 14, 2009 at 9:29pm)
(Please note this is mostly an attempt at poetry, but it is based on an hour of my life)
Who will be there in my moment of weakness?
Who will stand behind me when I need it most?
Who will call me when I don’t have the courage to call them?
Who will wipe my tears away and tell me everything will be alright?
Who will tell me this is just a step along the way?
Who will remind me that this all will make a great story someday?
Who will listen to that story someday, even though they know how it ends?
Who will notice what needs to be done?
Who will make sure I do it?
Who will hold my hand when I am too afraid to do it?
Who will tell me that they are proud of me for being so brave?
Who will make sure I don’t try to solve my problems the wrong way?
Who will not get angry if I do?
Who will be there before I need them to be?
Who will share their secrets with me?
Who will tell me they will be around forever?
Who will tell me that our friendship will never end?
Who will count on me to be there in their moment of weakness?
Who will be there in my moment of weakness?
Who will stand behind me when I need it most?
Who will call me when I don’t have the courage to call them?
Who will wipe my tears away and tell me everything will be alright?
Who will tell me this is just a step along the way?
Who will remind me that this all will make a great story someday?
Who will listen to that story someday, even though they know how it ends?
Who will notice what needs to be done?
Who will make sure I do it?
Who will hold my hand when I am too afraid to do it?
Who will tell me that they are proud of me for being so brave?
Who will make sure I don’t try to solve my problems the wrong way?
Who will not get angry if I do?
Who will be there before I need them to be?
Who will share their secrets with me?
Who will tell me they will be around forever?
Who will tell me that our friendship will never end?
Who will count on me to be there in their moment of weakness?
Spring Semester (Monday, January 12, 2009 at 1:07am)
he new semester starts tomorrow and I am thinking far too much to go to bed anytime soon. So here is my list of what I want to do or accomplish during the next few months
Get into a nice, but still exciting, groove
Keep my grades up
Either find a new job or find a way to enjoy the one I have
Finally play music in some sort of group, like one we've been talking about doing for the past 4+ years
Party a little harder
Gain 10 pounds, this may be the most difficult (as I make a bunch of people angry for complaining about how hard it is to GAIN weight, but it is)
Exercise more regularly instead of extremely sporadically
Decide to go after a friendship headstrong or just let it go, because my indecision on it is slowly driving me insane
Get a significant amount of my screenplay and essay written
Do some just for the hell of it filming
Get over the fact that some people just don't need me anymore and strengthen new relationships
Finally decide who will hear my full life story (this one isn't going to be posted in a note, sorry it's too lifetime afternoon special)
Continue finding myself
Find a way to visit Michigan, IU, and perhaps
Have some FUN!
Get into a nice, but still exciting, groove
Keep my grades up
Either find a new job or find a way to enjoy the one I have
Finally play music in some sort of group, like one we've been talking about doing for the past 4+ years
Party a little harder
Gain 10 pounds, this may be the most difficult (as I make a bunch of people angry for complaining about how hard it is to GAIN weight, but it is)
Exercise more regularly instead of extremely sporadically
Decide to go after a friendship headstrong or just let it go, because my indecision on it is slowly driving me insane
Get a significant amount of my screenplay and essay written
Do some just for the hell of it filming
Get over the fact that some people just don't need me anymore and strengthen new relationships
Finally decide who will hear my full life story (this one isn't going to be posted in a note, sorry it's too lifetime afternoon special)
Continue finding myself
Find a way to visit Michigan, IU, and perhaps
Have some FUN!
One of them 16 things (Sunday, January 4, 2009 at 5:21pm)
I've been tagged in atleast six of these so I'll do one. But I am refusing to tag people, so there is no need to put the whole if you are tagged blah blah here. Enjoys
1) 2008 was my best and worst year so far. It started out just terrible but many amazing things have happened, especially starting spring break.
2) I really thought that I was starting to understand who I really am, but I think I have more to figure out. I thought I was this serious person, but the sarcastic and loud Kenny keeps popping up. So now I'm not so sure who I am and who I want to be. On one hand it's fun to make a lot of jokes, but on the other people take me less seriously and I feel like I have fewer close friendships, which sucks.
3) I am driven to achieve something great in my life just so my friends will proudly say that I am or was at a point their friend. This idea consumes about half of my concious thoughts.
4) The only reason that I don't want to go back to school is that I don't want to go back to work, but I really need the money from that job. Well that reason and I again didn't get to talk to a friend about something even though I spent several hours with them during this break.
5) I spend way too much time thinking about how certain situations might turn out, and it keeps me up at night. It is probably the most annoying thing ever and I wish I could stop doing it.
6) I tend to get bored and give up things when I become mediocre at them, resulting in me being very well-rounded, but not especially talented at anything.
7) Sometimes I wish that montages existed in real life, but hard work does result in greater satisfaction; although hard work is hard work.
8) I have probably said several of these things in other notes because I share probably too much on facebook.
9) I am trying to not be repetitive from other notes so 16 facts is hard to come up with.
10) One of my favorite things to do is just sitting around and talking with friends, but people tend to prefer to do something, but doing nothing is better in my mind.
11) I'm not always as together as I pretend to be.
12) I have clearly visable birthmarks, have you noticed them? (Don't feel bad if you haven't, there was a point in time that I completely forgot about them.
13) I haven't really had to deal with death and I am terrified of what it will be like when someone close to me dies.
14) I kinda wish that someone would ride me ass occasionally to make sure that I stay on track with becoming above average.
15) As much as I like reading and writing notes, the whole idea of just writing 16 random facts does not appeal to me.
16) I am terrible at talking to people I don't really know, mostly because I don't really ever have anything interesting to say.
1) 2008 was my best and worst year so far. It started out just terrible but many amazing things have happened, especially starting spring break.
2) I really thought that I was starting to understand who I really am, but I think I have more to figure out. I thought I was this serious person, but the sarcastic and loud Kenny keeps popping up. So now I'm not so sure who I am and who I want to be. On one hand it's fun to make a lot of jokes, but on the other people take me less seriously and I feel like I have fewer close friendships, which sucks.
3) I am driven to achieve something great in my life just so my friends will proudly say that I am or was at a point their friend. This idea consumes about half of my concious thoughts.
4) The only reason that I don't want to go back to school is that I don't want to go back to work, but I really need the money from that job. Well that reason and I again didn't get to talk to a friend about something even though I spent several hours with them during this break.
5) I spend way too much time thinking about how certain situations might turn out, and it keeps me up at night. It is probably the most annoying thing ever and I wish I could stop doing it.
6) I tend to get bored and give up things when I become mediocre at them, resulting in me being very well-rounded, but not especially talented at anything.
7) Sometimes I wish that montages existed in real life, but hard work does result in greater satisfaction; although hard work is hard work.
8) I have probably said several of these things in other notes because I share probably too much on facebook.
9) I am trying to not be repetitive from other notes so 16 facts is hard to come up with.
10) One of my favorite things to do is just sitting around and talking with friends, but people tend to prefer to do something, but doing nothing is better in my mind.
11) I'm not always as together as I pretend to be.
12) I have clearly visable birthmarks, have you noticed them? (Don't feel bad if you haven't, there was a point in time that I completely forgot about them.
13) I haven't really had to deal with death and I am terrified of what it will be like when someone close to me dies.
14) I kinda wish that someone would ride me ass occasionally to make sure that I stay on track with becoming above average.
15) As much as I like reading and writing notes, the whole idea of just writing 16 random facts does not appeal to me.
16) I am terrible at talking to people I don't really know, mostly because I don't really ever have anything interesting to say.
I don't think there is an appropriate title for this kind of note (Sunday, December 14, 2008 at 3:10am)
Over the past few weeks I have been spending some time looking at this post secret stuff (for those who do not know it is where people secretly mail in their secrets on postcards). I think it is a really good idea and it has apparently helped a lot of people. But the more that I thought about it the more I realized this is something I would have utilized months ago. Now I would much rather let people that I actually know, know my secrets. A few weeks ago I took the bold step to decide to become an almost entirely open book, but I haven’t had to utilize it yet. If you didn’t know this and are interested enough in me to continue reading I suggest you read that note first to understand why I am doing this. This little project of mine is very important to me so I have decided to be more proactive and share some things that have been on my mind on facebook.
But Kenny, if you post it on facebook EVERYONE can read it and know your secrets! –Exactly, I am proud of who I am why should I hide it? Everyone has secrets; the world would be a much better place if everyone felt free to share their secrets without fear of being judged for them. This is, in a sense, my way of creating my own delusional better world. I am expecting for some people to judge me based on the subject matter of this note, but I don’t care. I only care about the opinions of the people who care about me enough to look past my flaws and quirks. Enjoy.
I never thought I would miss being in Carmel as much as I do. But I also LOVE being at Ball State. In a way I want my old life to come to here. I feel like it would be easier to let everything from Carmel go and just be content with what I have here, but what is easier isn’t always what is better for the heart.
I feel as if I am becoming distanced from my friends still in Carmel. I still miss friends who go to other Universities but that is different, somehow. I just want everyone to know that I really really miss them and that I think about them EVERY day. (Now for a secret I actually told two people- Daniel Lange and Alyson) You guys –Carmel people- are also the reason that I haven’t been back much this past semester. It just makes me miss everyone so much more and it would be much too painful to come back more regularly. It also hurts unbearably when I am home and I spend most of the time home alone checking my phone every other minute.
Chances are I want to be closer friends with you, whoever you are reading this. Friendships are the most important thing to me to the point that I obsess over them. I feel like I have enough friends, just not many close ones. I also am always afraid of coming on too strong, or maybe of just being rejected. I really want to spend more time with other people but I always expect them to take the first step and am disappointed when they don’t. I know that I shouldn’t wait for people to come to me but this is something that is really difficult for me. I love it when people come to me with their secrets or to ask advice, it is when I feel the closest to people. I know I have always been sarcastic in the past, but that is something that I felt that I could not control. Just know, that isn’t really me, I am much more serious now and I really care about all of your problems. It is just so much easier to make friends with jokes, but not the kind of friendships that I want.
I have mild (and undiagnosed) OCD (don’t start messing with my mp3 player or phone because I will freak out even if you don’t see it) and Ben is convinced that I have ADD and I am TERRIFIED that I am just a hypochondriac. I also get random, sharp pains (which if you pay close attention you may just see me walk with a slight limp at times) but I can never tell my doctor anything, not that I really have one anymore.
A month ago I thought Coldplay was just mainstream garbage. But a certain friend loves them so I decided to give them their fair chance. Now I love them and I feel like such a hypocrite. I also listen to The Scientist at least five times a day because it reminds me of said friend and I also love the lines “tell me your secrets/and ask me your questions” because it is what I want to say to just about everyone. I am also too afraid to buy their cds in stores because I always think that the cashier judges me based on the albums that I buy. I don’t know why I care what they think, I mean I am telling everyone the smallest of details about me.
I have played guitar for over six years but I feel inferior to anyone that can play popular songs from memory. I hate playing already written music most of the time and I prefer to write my own music, most of which I forget easily so I feel like I have nothing to show for all of my effort and I feel like a poser.
I also feel inferior to many others with my major because I can’t name who directed what film and who starred in them. It’s not that I don’t love film, I do, I just can’t remember names. I know everyone says that they have trouble remembering names but I have a serious problem. Thank God for facebook, I can secretly put names to faces so that I can remember. There are times that someone will tell me their name and as soon as the finish saying it I have already forgotten. It really really sucks!
The thought of marriage at this point in life scares me horribly but sometimes I want to adopt a kid right now. I can’t wait to be a father, maybe then I will have a close, loving family. If you have a close family chances are I have envied you specifically at some point for it, enjoy it you don’t know how lucky you are.
I used to constantly (and still do to an extent) fantasize about winning the lottery. Recently I realized that all of my fantasies revolved around it being an excuse to spend more time with certain people and getting to know their parents, which for some odd reason is important to me. It also involved traveling a lot, which is something that I really want to do. I am so jealous of everyone that has ever been on a cruise. I just want to see the world. But then again most of these fantasies also involve traveling with other people.
I hate the phrase “epic fail”
Sometimes I feel special because I have watched some extremely popular shows since their original airing of their pilot episodes.
Sometimes I feel that if more Christians were like me there would be less people who are completely turned away from Christianity and I don’t really feel bad about thinking it. I feel that some Christians are too pushy and are WAY too judgmental (you have to remember whose job the judging is. I want to punch every Christian who says homosexuals go to Hell for misrepresenting the faith. This idea is based upon nothing in scripture and is what I consider using God’s name in vein. If you want to call it a sin, fine, but don’t say that it is a worse sin that the countless you commit every day. A sin is a sin in God’s eyes and his eyes look past what we do, why can’t you? Jesus went to the worst of criminals and showed them love, why do you go to people who are just trying to love and show them hate? Also, don’t EVER tell someone that they are going to Hell. That is not your place, Christianity is about loving people to Christ, not condemning them.
Speaking of homosexuality, it is just about the only thing someone has not come to me about in a secret. I have heard all sorts of things big and small but no one has ever come out to me and for some reason I really want someone to. I don’t know if I should feel bad about this or not. I don’t know why I want someone to so much, it’s not like I would admit to having someone tell me because secrets are on the top level of secret to me. I hate to think that I am collecting secrets and am seeking out the last things to complete my collection.
The attractiveness of an individual changes to me over time when I get to know them better. If people are nice and caring they become more physically attractive and the other way around. In a sense, I see inner beauty on the outside and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also find the “typical attractive girl” not very attractive and rather fake looking. I like faces with personality and the eyes and smile can make the ugliest by society’s standards beautiful to me.
I have saved my biggest secret for last, so if you do not think you are mature enough to handle it I advise skipping over this paragraph. You are still here? Oh good, I am glad that you can handle my secrets and have decided to not judge me for them. Every day I am becoming more asexual. This does not mean that I have sex with myself like you learned in freshman biology. It more means without sex, more attracted to personalities. For the past few years I have always made excuses for why I haven’t been actively seeking a relationship, the only truth is that I care so much more about friendships, because they are based on personalities. I am also often infatuated with the personality of a certain person or persons. This would also explain why I find whatever that statistic is of how often males think about sex completely ridiculous, because I rarely think about it. I am not saying that I am completely asexual; it’s just that the whole thing is not as important to me as it is for many people. This does cause some problems though. I am a very touch oriented person, but touching is often weird for people when not in a relationship. I could walk through a mall holding your hand, yes you whoever you are, and not think anything of it other than “wow I feel really close to this friend of mine right now.”
Ok so I lied, this is my last secret. I am terrified of posting this note. I mean this has some extremely personal stuff that I haven’t even hinted at to other people before. I can’t decide if I am brave or just stupid. I think now I know why people just anonymously send in their secrets, but whatever I have high hopes that this will be better for me, please prove me right. So dearest reader, if you read all of this then I assume you have read my other stuff and you may be expecting a plug for my excellent secret keeping abilities and my ever improving advice. I think that by sharing all of this you should feel safe talking to me about anything going on in your life. I mean if I share this personal of stuff do you really think I judge you for liking so and so or just having a rough time, trust me I’ve been there. If somehow my honesty hasn’t fully convinced you, always feel free to honesty box anything to me, I am ALWAYS willing to help and listen in any way I can. I also apologize to the couple of people that I normally tell stuff to, I hope you don’t feel less special just because now I apparently tell everyone EVERYTHING. And sadly there is still more, some I want to say but I feel that I need to tell specific people these things before I tell everyone. Hope you view me in a different, and BETTER, light.
Much Love,
Kenny
But Kenny, if you post it on facebook EVERYONE can read it and know your secrets! –Exactly, I am proud of who I am why should I hide it? Everyone has secrets; the world would be a much better place if everyone felt free to share their secrets without fear of being judged for them. This is, in a sense, my way of creating my own delusional better world. I am expecting for some people to judge me based on the subject matter of this note, but I don’t care. I only care about the opinions of the people who care about me enough to look past my flaws and quirks. Enjoy.
I never thought I would miss being in Carmel as much as I do. But I also LOVE being at Ball State. In a way I want my old life to come to here. I feel like it would be easier to let everything from Carmel go and just be content with what I have here, but what is easier isn’t always what is better for the heart.
I feel as if I am becoming distanced from my friends still in Carmel. I still miss friends who go to other Universities but that is different, somehow. I just want everyone to know that I really really miss them and that I think about them EVERY day. (Now for a secret I actually told two people- Daniel Lange and Alyson) You guys –Carmel people- are also the reason that I haven’t been back much this past semester. It just makes me miss everyone so much more and it would be much too painful to come back more regularly. It also hurts unbearably when I am home and I spend most of the time home alone checking my phone every other minute.
Chances are I want to be closer friends with you, whoever you are reading this. Friendships are the most important thing to me to the point that I obsess over them. I feel like I have enough friends, just not many close ones. I also am always afraid of coming on too strong, or maybe of just being rejected. I really want to spend more time with other people but I always expect them to take the first step and am disappointed when they don’t. I know that I shouldn’t wait for people to come to me but this is something that is really difficult for me. I love it when people come to me with their secrets or to ask advice, it is when I feel the closest to people. I know I have always been sarcastic in the past, but that is something that I felt that I could not control. Just know, that isn’t really me, I am much more serious now and I really care about all of your problems. It is just so much easier to make friends with jokes, but not the kind of friendships that I want.
I have mild (and undiagnosed) OCD (don’t start messing with my mp3 player or phone because I will freak out even if you don’t see it) and Ben is convinced that I have ADD and I am TERRIFIED that I am just a hypochondriac. I also get random, sharp pains (which if you pay close attention you may just see me walk with a slight limp at times) but I can never tell my doctor anything, not that I really have one anymore.
A month ago I thought Coldplay was just mainstream garbage. But a certain friend loves them so I decided to give them their fair chance. Now I love them and I feel like such a hypocrite. I also listen to The Scientist at least five times a day because it reminds me of said friend and I also love the lines “tell me your secrets/and ask me your questions” because it is what I want to say to just about everyone. I am also too afraid to buy their cds in stores because I always think that the cashier judges me based on the albums that I buy. I don’t know why I care what they think, I mean I am telling everyone the smallest of details about me.
I have played guitar for over six years but I feel inferior to anyone that can play popular songs from memory. I hate playing already written music most of the time and I prefer to write my own music, most of which I forget easily so I feel like I have nothing to show for all of my effort and I feel like a poser.
I also feel inferior to many others with my major because I can’t name who directed what film and who starred in them. It’s not that I don’t love film, I do, I just can’t remember names. I know everyone says that they have trouble remembering names but I have a serious problem. Thank God for facebook, I can secretly put names to faces so that I can remember. There are times that someone will tell me their name and as soon as the finish saying it I have already forgotten. It really really sucks!
The thought of marriage at this point in life scares me horribly but sometimes I want to adopt a kid right now. I can’t wait to be a father, maybe then I will have a close, loving family. If you have a close family chances are I have envied you specifically at some point for it, enjoy it you don’t know how lucky you are.
I used to constantly (and still do to an extent) fantasize about winning the lottery. Recently I realized that all of my fantasies revolved around it being an excuse to spend more time with certain people and getting to know their parents, which for some odd reason is important to me. It also involved traveling a lot, which is something that I really want to do. I am so jealous of everyone that has ever been on a cruise. I just want to see the world. But then again most of these fantasies also involve traveling with other people.
I hate the phrase “epic fail”
Sometimes I feel special because I have watched some extremely popular shows since their original airing of their pilot episodes.
Sometimes I feel that if more Christians were like me there would be less people who are completely turned away from Christianity and I don’t really feel bad about thinking it. I feel that some Christians are too pushy and are WAY too judgmental (you have to remember whose job the judging is. I want to punch every Christian who says homosexuals go to Hell for misrepresenting the faith. This idea is based upon nothing in scripture and is what I consider using God’s name in vein. If you want to call it a sin, fine, but don’t say that it is a worse sin that the countless you commit every day. A sin is a sin in God’s eyes and his eyes look past what we do, why can’t you? Jesus went to the worst of criminals and showed them love, why do you go to people who are just trying to love and show them hate? Also, don’t EVER tell someone that they are going to Hell. That is not your place, Christianity is about loving people to Christ, not condemning them.
Speaking of homosexuality, it is just about the only thing someone has not come to me about in a secret. I have heard all sorts of things big and small but no one has ever come out to me and for some reason I really want someone to. I don’t know if I should feel bad about this or not. I don’t know why I want someone to so much, it’s not like I would admit to having someone tell me because secrets are on the top level of secret to me. I hate to think that I am collecting secrets and am seeking out the last things to complete my collection.
The attractiveness of an individual changes to me over time when I get to know them better. If people are nice and caring they become more physically attractive and the other way around. In a sense, I see inner beauty on the outside and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also find the “typical attractive girl” not very attractive and rather fake looking. I like faces with personality and the eyes and smile can make the ugliest by society’s standards beautiful to me.
I have saved my biggest secret for last, so if you do not think you are mature enough to handle it I advise skipping over this paragraph. You are still here? Oh good, I am glad that you can handle my secrets and have decided to not judge me for them. Every day I am becoming more asexual. This does not mean that I have sex with myself like you learned in freshman biology. It more means without sex, more attracted to personalities. For the past few years I have always made excuses for why I haven’t been actively seeking a relationship, the only truth is that I care so much more about friendships, because they are based on personalities. I am also often infatuated with the personality of a certain person or persons. This would also explain why I find whatever that statistic is of how often males think about sex completely ridiculous, because I rarely think about it. I am not saying that I am completely asexual; it’s just that the whole thing is not as important to me as it is for many people. This does cause some problems though. I am a very touch oriented person, but touching is often weird for people when not in a relationship. I could walk through a mall holding your hand, yes you whoever you are, and not think anything of it other than “wow I feel really close to this friend of mine right now.”
Ok so I lied, this is my last secret. I am terrified of posting this note. I mean this has some extremely personal stuff that I haven’t even hinted at to other people before. I can’t decide if I am brave or just stupid. I think now I know why people just anonymously send in their secrets, but whatever I have high hopes that this will be better for me, please prove me right. So dearest reader, if you read all of this then I assume you have read my other stuff and you may be expecting a plug for my excellent secret keeping abilities and my ever improving advice. I think that by sharing all of this you should feel safe talking to me about anything going on in your life. I mean if I share this personal of stuff do you really think I judge you for liking so and so or just having a rough time, trust me I’ve been there. If somehow my honesty hasn’t fully convinced you, always feel free to honesty box anything to me, I am ALWAYS willing to help and listen in any way I can. I also apologize to the couple of people that I normally tell stuff to, I hope you don’t feel less special just because now I apparently tell everyone EVERYTHING. And sadly there is still more, some I want to say but I feel that I need to tell specific people these things before I tell everyone. Hope you view me in a different, and BETTER, light.
Much Love,
Kenny
Typical Kenny Note (Monday, December 1, 2008 at 1:50am)
So if you are one of those people who stalks the notes application, like me, this is probably one of the notes you like to stumble onto.
As some of you know the past year of my life has been the bananas that Gwen speaks of. In the past few months I have opened up a lot, well for me atleast, and it has felt really good. I have also decided that I like who I am and I am not ashamed of me. This is why I have decided to become an almost entirely open book. This means that if you want to know something about me just ask, whether it be via face-to-face interaction, calling/texting, chatting, sending me a message, honesty boxing, whatever. Although if you choose honesty box I may not tell you as much because I do not plan on telling random people personal things.
What I will not tell you...
Who I like, you can ask but I rarely know the answer to this
Anything that involves in any way, shape, or form any secret anyone has told me, ever
Select things that I need to come to terms with first
What I hope to accomplish by doing this...
Become more trusting (please don't ever give me reason not to, it may not take much to shut the book again)
Develop closer relationships
Define who I am
Be completely comfortable with being myself
Become a better listener
Make others more comfortable with themselves
Encourage others to find people they can open up to
Finally be the me I know I am
Find out if this is what works for me
Or learn from another mistake
And before you get too excited I don't have super delicious secrets, so if that is what you are looking for look elsewhere, this is for people to get to know me better.
As some of you know the past year of my life has been the bananas that Gwen speaks of. In the past few months I have opened up a lot, well for me atleast, and it has felt really good. I have also decided that I like who I am and I am not ashamed of me. This is why I have decided to become an almost entirely open book. This means that if you want to know something about me just ask, whether it be via face-to-face interaction, calling/texting, chatting, sending me a message, honesty boxing, whatever. Although if you choose honesty box I may not tell you as much because I do not plan on telling random people personal things.
What I will not tell you...
Who I like, you can ask but I rarely know the answer to this
Anything that involves in any way, shape, or form any secret anyone has told me, ever
Select things that I need to come to terms with first
What I hope to accomplish by doing this...
Become more trusting (please don't ever give me reason not to, it may not take much to shut the book again)
Develop closer relationships
Define who I am
Be completely comfortable with being myself
Become a better listener
Make others more comfortable with themselves
Encourage others to find people they can open up to
Finally be the me I know I am
Find out if this is what works for me
Or learn from another mistake
And before you get too excited I don't have super delicious secrets, so if that is what you are looking for look elsewhere, this is for people to get to know me better.
Ode to Gretchen (Friday, September 5, 2008 at 3:42pm)
I received terrible news today... my Mom, a person I thought wanted me to be happy, sold my dearest Gretchen. Many of you know how much I loved that car and what it meant to me. Others of you were just given many rides in her. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers as I know I will. There will also be a candle-light ceremony in her honor over Thanksgiving break, when most of us will be in Carmel. I wrote a poem in Gretchen's honor, I'm not a poet so it may not be eloquent, but it has 100% soul.
Ode to Gretchen
Oh Gretchen, where did the time go?
What happened to our plans made long ago?
Everyone was amazed that you still ran
But I had faith, I felt the power
Inside your metal heart
So much alive as every hater and disbeliever.
To feel you come to life-
Gave me great joy
To feel you sad or angry
When someone made fun-
Torn my heart in two.
Most people replace coolant,
Once in their life;
But we had that bond,
Every other week.
I am filled with rage
At the jealous thought
Of his crude hands
Pouring life into your heart.
The gears stuck in the cold
The A/C didn’t work in the heat
Your engine struggled in the rain
The tires were flat
The windshield spray didn’t spray
And only one window worked
Still I loved without question.
I promised to stay with you
Until your last wonderful drive
But my dreams were ripped away
By someone who said they loved me
Sold to some guy for a meager amount
Like a cheap slut with HIV.
Find your way back to me, dear Gretchen
And we will ride off into the horizon
Stopping neither for fuel or police
So that we may go together
Into the sunset; happy as can be.
Your were my first love
So I will never forget you
No car will ever compare
But you should move on
Enjoy the last of your life
And make him as happy as you made me.
Ode to Gretchen
Oh Gretchen, where did the time go?
What happened to our plans made long ago?
Everyone was amazed that you still ran
But I had faith, I felt the power
Inside your metal heart
So much alive as every hater and disbeliever.
To feel you come to life-
Gave me great joy
To feel you sad or angry
When someone made fun-
Torn my heart in two.
Most people replace coolant,
Once in their life;
But we had that bond,
Every other week.
I am filled with rage
At the jealous thought
Of his crude hands
Pouring life into your heart.
The gears stuck in the cold
The A/C didn’t work in the heat
Your engine struggled in the rain
The tires were flat
The windshield spray didn’t spray
And only one window worked
Still I loved without question.
I promised to stay with you
Until your last wonderful drive
But my dreams were ripped away
By someone who said they loved me
Sold to some guy for a meager amount
Like a cheap slut with HIV.
Find your way back to me, dear Gretchen
And we will ride off into the horizon
Stopping neither for fuel or police
So that we may go together
Into the sunset; happy as can be.
Your were my first love
So I will never forget you
No car will ever compare
But you should move on
Enjoy the last of your life
And make him as happy as you made me.
Ode to a ranch, house. Or Much can happen in twelve years (Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 6:19pm)
When I wrote this I started with the intention or reflecting what I've done the past twelve years of my life, but it ended up pretty much being my life story. I warning you that this is much longer than you will want to read, if you make it all the way through I commend you. Also, this contains some personal stuff, so if you've never so much as talked to me, this will be of absolute no interest. And also due to the personal content, this makes up for everything I've never told you, and also, don't judge me I don't judge you. Enjoy.
In this house…
I have grown up, learned about life, discovered my beliefs, defined who I am and learned to be comfortable with it.
I have watched more TV than some people do in a lifetime, starred in and directed my first movies, and learned that there is music outside of the radio.
I have learned about sex and drugs and what really goes bump in the night, I saw and heard things I cannot comprehend, and I learned to learn from others’ mistakes.
I have been a millionaire in this house, I watched my family fall apart, I became a child of divorce, I watched this, coupled with corruption, bring me back to my original wealth.
I have learned to ride a bike, how to swim, I used these skills to bike for miles and swim for hours. I fell off my bike and was attacked by bats in the pool.
I have scraped my knee, possibly broken a toe, and almost blew off a few fingers. I was hit int the with a fireplace tool, and hit in the temple with a baseball.
I have watched my first good friend move away, with many others to follow suit. I learned what a good friend is by being let down by so many, and tried to practice it daily.
I have lost trust in others while learning to be a human vault, keeping every secret I’m told inside, and most of my own as well. I learned not to judge and try to give what council I can, always with the disclaimer that I can be wrong.
I have learned to hate my sarcasm, but fail to correct it. I tried to become serious but always landed back on silliness. I tried to change myself to become the role-model my heart desires to be, but my brain hates my heart.
I have had my first girlfriend and learned that I treasure friendship more than a relationship. I began to compare every girl to this one special someone, but learned that no one stands up, and given up dating because of it.
I have learned to take chances, least I want to be the break-up friend. I learned that I will forgive my friends, no mater how abused or abandoned they make me feel. I tried to find that one friend I can tell everything to, but cannot find the words to reveal my deepest thoughts.
I have been beaten and abused for someone’s entertainment, but still forgave until my forgiveness was gone. I have not only been beaten-up, but also beaten down for my looks, my weight, my hair, my clothes, my likes, passions, dreams, and personality.
I have discovered that I like to find my own path, I despised playing written music, but have suffered through it for seven years. I played trombone at an exceptional level until pressure killed the jjoy and the level diminished.
I have tried musical, visual, and intellectual creative outlets, all with little or no encouragement or even recognition. I have found my own ways of trying these outlets and kept the products almost entirely for myself.
I have made music in this house, one of the few things that I lose myself in. I created music that I have long forgotten and allowed most of it to die before reaching any foreign ear. I had my first musical instrument taken away from me because it was found annoying.
I have both excelled at math and slowly began failing at it. I went from academics being a top priority to putting them on the back burner. I tried to try again but found that for those that excel at it, it merely comes natural.
I have become the man of the house, having to do all the yard work and manual labor, after having two older brothers who helped out move out in a two month period. I enjoyed the quiet house, and my guitar playing flourished with more time with just my ears in the house.
I have been incredibly shy, just to become the opposite. I put on a different mask depending on who I was around, none of which I liked or have been able to change or get rid of. I found the person I am in my mind not to be the person everyone sees.
I have been addicted to instant messaging and online games. I found it easier to open up online than in person, which has brought much concernment. I have found it difficult to find those who can relate, in such a well-off suburbia.
I have fought, Communism, fascism, and PBS, with little to no avail. I have been idealistic and been disgusted by propaganda made by those trying to help. I tried to help in my own way, but found little support, only a few, truly good friends.
I have had many dreams and spent countless hours laying awake creating hypothetical scenarios of how something might turn out. I created entire conversations in my head, and learned that by thinking it, none of it will ever leave someone’s lips.
I have become slightly OCD, and learned how to manage and suppress some of what it entails. I washed my hands without worrying about it killing germs, but dirtiness. I became obsessive with my personal electronics, not to protect them, but to keep form others seeing who I am. I wasted much time creating shapes in my head with an odd number of lines, and used to not be able to do the Hooky-Pokey because I didn’t want to turn myself about, that’s what my OCD is all about.
I have seen and heard things I knew were not there. I tried to learn how to articulate when hearing everything as mumbled and unclear as it comes out of my mouth, all the while dealing with harassment for it. I watched as my eyesight slowly grew worse and had to stop playing baseball because of an eye condition, which wasn’t diagnosed until after humiliating strike-out after strike-out.
I have opened my home whenever my friends have asked or merely hinted, not always getting the favor in return. I have, however, showed up at peoples’ houses uninvited, something only a few have done for me.
I have had a few birthday parties, all of which were bad. I gave up on having birthday parties. I went to surprise party after surprise party for what seems like all of my friends. I wished that someone would do the same for me every time I attended one of them, and blatantly told some people so.
I have never had any substantial family traditions, or so much as been to a family reunion. I have never been on a family vacation just for vacation, always to visit family. I have sat in physical pain as people speak of being bored of exotic places that I can only dream of going to or comparing resorts, which is something I’ve never so much as set a foot in.
I have seen my over-active imagination completely die and have wished that I Could have some back for a little creativeness.
I have sang, danced, played, laughed, cried, sweat, bled, fallen ill, healed, lied, stole, cheated, been a bad friend, given good advice, lent a hand, listened when no one else would, stayed up late with friends, stayed up late alone, been happy and stable, been depressed and broken, told things to someone that I hardly knew I’ve never told anyone else or even knew about myself, changed a lot, thanked puberty many times for being so nice to me, learned to be thankful for everything, learned that everything that I truly want I can receive, solidified my faith, become disgusted with the Christian church, wanted to become the next Martin Luther, learned to understand why people are turned off by religion, shed my shell and burned it, been hypocritical, been electrocuted, been hit on by people seven years older, seen the scariest musical performance ever, had good memories, seen things I wish I could forget, written a list of just about every emotion I’ve had in the past twelve years, climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty with someone who accidently brought a pocket-knife that didn’t set off the metal detectors, looked at the Twin Towers with awe and a desire to see them on the inside someday- three months before the attacks, played the guitar of my hero B.B. King, made good friends with an eight grader during my senior year, regretted, hesitated, made others laugh, done things I never thought I would ever do.
I have not done drugs, seen someone doing drugs, smoked a cigarette, been anywhere exciting except for England and Mexico, met a celebrity, been able to name all the major stars in any movie ever made, had sex, had a lasting relationship, felt love beyond family and friend love, been able to intentionally physically hurt anyone because my body turns to jelly when I try to fight, permanently vandalized anything, been completely honest with anyone- including myself, woken up feeling refreshed or awake, written anything like this before, listened to the lyrics of Zox’s song “Goodnight”- For the first time in my life I’m not afraid, because there’s nothing in this world that doesn’t change.
Sitting here, the last night in this house, in a near empty room listening to the rain hitting the roof, I can’t help but to reflect of what has happened in this house, as well as what has happened during the time I’ve lived in it. I have had some good experiences in this little house in suburbia, but also some very bad ones that some of you may be able to relate to, and some can’t comprehend what it’s like. But I realize everyone has their issues and I’m thankful I don’t know what it’s like to be like you. But then again if I don’t know it makes it harder for me to try to help you, which is a difficult task in the first place. The twelve years in this house comprise two0thirds of my life, all of which have been spent in Carmel. Isn’t it funny that I am the minority because I haven’t lived anywhere else? It’s usually the other way around.
Dearest reader, if you have made it this far or happened to stop here while skimming, I have a few last things I want you to know. I hate change; I just absolutely hat e and dread it and nothing in my life is the same as it was only a few months ago. I know I bashed my friends a lot in this note, but I love all of them and I doubt I am any better, back to me being hypocritical. In fact, dearest reader, I want to be closer friends with you. Yes you, whoever you may be, I want you to call met o hang out or just talk or send me a message or email me or whatever. Also for you phone shy folk, don’t worry so am I, I don’t mind if you call me for any sort of reason or small question, as long as it isn’t early morning or really late night. Also, as I sated earlier, I am a human vault; anything you eve r tell me will stay with me and I will not even mention the general idea of your problem to anyone even if I don’t give them your name. I have also been getting better at giving advice if you ever need any. I don’t give any guarantees but I do the best I can.
If you were never able to come to my house, I am deeply sorry, she is pretty awesome. For those who have, I hope you enjoyed it- now open your house because now we need a new default place to hang out.
As I bid my house farewell, I only hope that eh next twelve years are better, or that I at least meet as many interesting and awesome people.
-Kenny
In this house…
I have grown up, learned about life, discovered my beliefs, defined who I am and learned to be comfortable with it.
I have watched more TV than some people do in a lifetime, starred in and directed my first movies, and learned that there is music outside of the radio.
I have learned about sex and drugs and what really goes bump in the night, I saw and heard things I cannot comprehend, and I learned to learn from others’ mistakes.
I have been a millionaire in this house, I watched my family fall apart, I became a child of divorce, I watched this, coupled with corruption, bring me back to my original wealth.
I have learned to ride a bike, how to swim, I used these skills to bike for miles and swim for hours. I fell off my bike and was attacked by bats in the pool.
I have scraped my knee, possibly broken a toe, and almost blew off a few fingers. I was hit int the with a fireplace tool, and hit in the temple with a baseball.
I have watched my first good friend move away, with many others to follow suit. I learned what a good friend is by being let down by so many, and tried to practice it daily.
I have lost trust in others while learning to be a human vault, keeping every secret I’m told inside, and most of my own as well. I learned not to judge and try to give what council I can, always with the disclaimer that I can be wrong.
I have learned to hate my sarcasm, but fail to correct it. I tried to become serious but always landed back on silliness. I tried to change myself to become the role-model my heart desires to be, but my brain hates my heart.
I have had my first girlfriend and learned that I treasure friendship more than a relationship. I began to compare every girl to this one special someone, but learned that no one stands up, and given up dating because of it.
I have learned to take chances, least I want to be the break-up friend. I learned that I will forgive my friends, no mater how abused or abandoned they make me feel. I tried to find that one friend I can tell everything to, but cannot find the words to reveal my deepest thoughts.
I have been beaten and abused for someone’s entertainment, but still forgave until my forgiveness was gone. I have not only been beaten-up, but also beaten down for my looks, my weight, my hair, my clothes, my likes, passions, dreams, and personality.
I have discovered that I like to find my own path, I despised playing written music, but have suffered through it for seven years. I played trombone at an exceptional level until pressure killed the jjoy and the level diminished.
I have tried musical, visual, and intellectual creative outlets, all with little or no encouragement or even recognition. I have found my own ways of trying these outlets and kept the products almost entirely for myself.
I have made music in this house, one of the few things that I lose myself in. I created music that I have long forgotten and allowed most of it to die before reaching any foreign ear. I had my first musical instrument taken away from me because it was found annoying.
I have both excelled at math and slowly began failing at it. I went from academics being a top priority to putting them on the back burner. I tried to try again but found that for those that excel at it, it merely comes natural.
I have become the man of the house, having to do all the yard work and manual labor, after having two older brothers who helped out move out in a two month period. I enjoyed the quiet house, and my guitar playing flourished with more time with just my ears in the house.
I have been incredibly shy, just to become the opposite. I put on a different mask depending on who I was around, none of which I liked or have been able to change or get rid of. I found the person I am in my mind not to be the person everyone sees.
I have been addicted to instant messaging and online games. I found it easier to open up online than in person, which has brought much concernment. I have found it difficult to find those who can relate, in such a well-off suburbia.
I have fought, Communism, fascism, and PBS, with little to no avail. I have been idealistic and been disgusted by propaganda made by those trying to help. I tried to help in my own way, but found little support, only a few, truly good friends.
I have had many dreams and spent countless hours laying awake creating hypothetical scenarios of how something might turn out. I created entire conversations in my head, and learned that by thinking it, none of it will ever leave someone’s lips.
I have become slightly OCD, and learned how to manage and suppress some of what it entails. I washed my hands without worrying about it killing germs, but dirtiness. I became obsessive with my personal electronics, not to protect them, but to keep form others seeing who I am. I wasted much time creating shapes in my head with an odd number of lines, and used to not be able to do the Hooky-Pokey because I didn’t want to turn myself about, that’s what my OCD is all about.
I have seen and heard things I knew were not there. I tried to learn how to articulate when hearing everything as mumbled and unclear as it comes out of my mouth, all the while dealing with harassment for it. I watched as my eyesight slowly grew worse and had to stop playing baseball because of an eye condition, which wasn’t diagnosed until after humiliating strike-out after strike-out.
I have opened my home whenever my friends have asked or merely hinted, not always getting the favor in return. I have, however, showed up at peoples’ houses uninvited, something only a few have done for me.
I have had a few birthday parties, all of which were bad. I gave up on having birthday parties. I went to surprise party after surprise party for what seems like all of my friends. I wished that someone would do the same for me every time I attended one of them, and blatantly told some people so.
I have never had any substantial family traditions, or so much as been to a family reunion. I have never been on a family vacation just for vacation, always to visit family. I have sat in physical pain as people speak of being bored of exotic places that I can only dream of going to or comparing resorts, which is something I’ve never so much as set a foot in.
I have seen my over-active imagination completely die and have wished that I Could have some back for a little creativeness.
I have sang, danced, played, laughed, cried, sweat, bled, fallen ill, healed, lied, stole, cheated, been a bad friend, given good advice, lent a hand, listened when no one else would, stayed up late with friends, stayed up late alone, been happy and stable, been depressed and broken, told things to someone that I hardly knew I’ve never told anyone else or even knew about myself, changed a lot, thanked puberty many times for being so nice to me, learned to be thankful for everything, learned that everything that I truly want I can receive, solidified my faith, become disgusted with the Christian church, wanted to become the next Martin Luther, learned to understand why people are turned off by religion, shed my shell and burned it, been hypocritical, been electrocuted, been hit on by people seven years older, seen the scariest musical performance ever, had good memories, seen things I wish I could forget, written a list of just about every emotion I’ve had in the past twelve years, climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty with someone who accidently brought a pocket-knife that didn’t set off the metal detectors, looked at the Twin Towers with awe and a desire to see them on the inside someday- three months before the attacks, played the guitar of my hero B.B. King, made good friends with an eight grader during my senior year, regretted, hesitated, made others laugh, done things I never thought I would ever do.
I have not done drugs, seen someone doing drugs, smoked a cigarette, been anywhere exciting except for England and Mexico, met a celebrity, been able to name all the major stars in any movie ever made, had sex, had a lasting relationship, felt love beyond family and friend love, been able to intentionally physically hurt anyone because my body turns to jelly when I try to fight, permanently vandalized anything, been completely honest with anyone- including myself, woken up feeling refreshed or awake, written anything like this before, listened to the lyrics of Zox’s song “Goodnight”- For the first time in my life I’m not afraid, because there’s nothing in this world that doesn’t change.
Sitting here, the last night in this house, in a near empty room listening to the rain hitting the roof, I can’t help but to reflect of what has happened in this house, as well as what has happened during the time I’ve lived in it. I have had some good experiences in this little house in suburbia, but also some very bad ones that some of you may be able to relate to, and some can’t comprehend what it’s like. But I realize everyone has their issues and I’m thankful I don’t know what it’s like to be like you. But then again if I don’t know it makes it harder for me to try to help you, which is a difficult task in the first place. The twelve years in this house comprise two0thirds of my life, all of which have been spent in Carmel. Isn’t it funny that I am the minority because I haven’t lived anywhere else? It’s usually the other way around.
Dearest reader, if you have made it this far or happened to stop here while skimming, I have a few last things I want you to know. I hate change; I just absolutely hat e and dread it and nothing in my life is the same as it was only a few months ago. I know I bashed my friends a lot in this note, but I love all of them and I doubt I am any better, back to me being hypocritical. In fact, dearest reader, I want to be closer friends with you. Yes you, whoever you may be, I want you to call met o hang out or just talk or send me a message or email me or whatever. Also for you phone shy folk, don’t worry so am I, I don’t mind if you call me for any sort of reason or small question, as long as it isn’t early morning or really late night. Also, as I sated earlier, I am a human vault; anything you eve r tell me will stay with me and I will not even mention the general idea of your problem to anyone even if I don’t give them your name. I have also been getting better at giving advice if you ever need any. I don’t give any guarantees but I do the best I can.
If you were never able to come to my house, I am deeply sorry, she is pretty awesome. For those who have, I hope you enjoyed it- now open your house because now we need a new default place to hang out.
As I bid my house farewell, I only hope that eh next twelve years are better, or that I at least meet as many interesting and awesome people.
-Kenny
Why this exists
With the ever increasing amount of people on facebook that I don't want reading these notes I have decided to put them elsewhere. Because I still want people who want to read them to still be able to, but I want to be able to better control who can see them. Some of this stuff I don't necessarily want people who I work with or want to intern with to see, and since stuff that goes on facebook is pretty much on there for good I thought I'd try to get out before it really is there for good.
Some of these I just decided to add on here even though I will leave them on facebook, but I don't want this to just be a place of seriousness so I thought I'd add in my favorite Ode, Ode to Gretchen.
Thanks for all of the support I have received over the past not quite a year yet.
Some of these I just decided to add on here even though I will leave them on facebook, but I don't want this to just be a place of seriousness so I thought I'd add in my favorite Ode, Ode to Gretchen.
Thanks for all of the support I have received over the past not quite a year yet.
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